Hayley's voice was made for this.

FOUND A GEM TODAY.

The only reason I'm posting is cos I realized the "I was never on the Pill" father's day postsecret is not really the best first impression to give to ppl who stumble upon here.
Just tryna push the post down. yes yes.

Now that that's done.

JC is just helluva place to be right now. Have I lost track of where I'm at, supposed to be, want to go?
I think so. Not good.
At least i'm awake now.

Sometimes I think I'm a pretentious fck, which of course I dread to be. Other times, I just can't be bothered, which I hate to be.
Most times, I'm just going through the motions, which I don't have a choice, otherwise I wouldn't be.

What happened to the wit, humour and sarcasm? Dunno, trying hard, too hard maybe.

I realise I blog about immaterial, intangible, hypothetical, cryptic things that throws people, myself included, off course.

Am I jaded? Oh dang.

Incidentally i should be a mad mugger right now.
Tata.
Nic

[afterthought: just realised I sound totally schizophrenic, need to make more sense.morsense.nonsense]

SUNDAY POSTSECRETS.

Can't think of a classier way to break the news.rofl.

How do you know?

Wanted to upload one more but the card kept flipping to the back when my mouse hovered above it. stupid java applet or whatever thing that makes that happen.

It's the third last one on the webbie.

For you,mummy.

AHAHAHA. Ohman the fawesome Fergie solo. Eat that Fergie. Makes me wanna go pull over a hoodie for some weirdo reason. Classy.

I promise to blog after CTs.

Like the saying goes, Promises are meant to be kept.

That's how it goes right?

OKAY I PROMISE. teehee.

HOORAY INDEED.

I have clown-o-phobia. But I'm pretty sure I'm not alone on this one. That creepy smile and knowing eyes, and the best part, bad hair days all around. Geez it gives me the creeps.

I adore the video though. It has it's endearing albeit fleeting moments. Well Ingrid Michealson is da bomb. haha. quaint voice she has there. She's so effing effortless still manages to sound so ethereal.(alliteration intended!)

http://thingsweforget.blogspot.com/

WHOEVER IS DOING THIS. YOU ARE INGENIOUS. I WORSHIP THE POST-ITS YOU WRITE ON.

That's totally a homegrown version of postsecret, though it's not much of secretspilling and more of random musings.

Either way, I'm just so glad that there are actually sporeans out there who possess such ingenuity+creativity+sense of humour. A rare breed sadly, nevertheless proof that they still exist and all hope is not lost.

It's not a contrived campaign or anything. just a sincere and simple project that speaks volumes. 

Take a cue, SINGAPORE KINDNESS MOVEMENT, what with your huge orangey lion mascots dotting the streets..tsktsk.

Was reading about a 30 year old woman with multiple personality disorder(MPD) who has an alter ego of a 10 year old boy

Seems to be sort of a biological 'survival mechanism'. Whatever it is, this survival mechanism shizz is a seriously another whole mystery of life on its own altogether.

Apparently the actual person herself would have no recollection whatsoever of what she did when she took on her alternate personality.

CAUSE? Childhood trauma/rape/abuse.

Talk about your troubles people.. lightens the load. (I know it's easy to say, but what else can i do on a blog?)

MPD is pretty disturbing to a certain point.

If anything, it gives the saying 'a person has many facets' , a whole new meaning.. Or pehaps just the same. just that I'm going round in circles.

I like writing.just not as assignments with deadlines to meet, when it becomes an obligation, a chore, a burden.DIE GP ESSAY DIE!

CIAO my non existent audiences.

okay i'm resolved to post more heavier entries from now. As compared to the previous few ones which have either been annoyingly politically correct/cheesy and nonsensical rants.

Reading off somepeople's blogs just give me an inferiority complex. Not referring to those that give a complete detailed narration of their lives and go on yapping about the rest of their day. But rather those flooded with commentaries/observations/random muse/quotes that really draw you out from reality to take a step back and observe everything around you. Puts things into hell lotsa perspective really. Makes me feel a lot less overwhelmed as well.

I just realised I managed to contradict myself in a paragraph.

Guess we're all full of it everyday. not that we bother to realise at all.

OMG. This is academic suicide. only at the tip of the homework iceberg.

GP is ghastly. 

Math is murderous.

Chem is conniving crap.

Econs has the opportunity cost of reviving the rest of my surviving brain cells.

Lit is a lullaby.

PW is preposterous.

Chinese is the joke of my life.

Life's good.

I'm an optimist.

Surely you can tell. =D

Leadership Training Camp 

was appallingly less torturous than Selection camp, albeit still having to complete a grand total of 1038 push ups. Not blowing any horns about 'oh isn't it so impressive that i completed so many pumpings', just that I realised the significance of completing these pumpings as one with the rest of the 32nd council. Really unbelievable that we actually managed to push ourselves just further and further each day with 10 push ups/set on the first day to 40 push ups/set on the last. Didn't think that I could shake so well till the 3x4opush ups session on the last day where I'm sure I wasn't the only one whose arms were trembling to the bone.

4days of LTC is impossible to be chronicled in a single post, but I don't think the experience could ever be justified by any number of posts.

Being unnaturally serious and reflective here.

Friends who talked to me abt LTC said that everytime they saw us, we'd either be in pumping position, mad hounds bounding away or in some form of physical torture.

But comparatively to selection camp, this is nothing. considering the fact that at least this time the torture is evenly spread out(like nutella!) over 4 days.

Well worth the physical torture i'll say.

That being said, LTC was definitely more than just cycles of sadistic PT.

Activities were strewn and laced with deeper meanings, (ooooh.) requiring us to actually utilize some brain this time. Reading between the suffering and strain. There were stuff that actually did make a lotta sense and did therefore make us ponder more abt how the newly appointed councillors and council term would be moulded.

Pain is nothing now,(wooah)  I can safely say after going thru the 4 draining days of camp.

The days ahead are most prolly paved with gigantormous boulders which would not cease to test the strengths of the newly minted 32nd SC! 

Being stretched, strained and finally emerging only as the stronger.

xoxo.LOL.

nickisezpeaceout.

hair is over my eyes.
future is bleak though these blinds.
convinced of a better day, a better standing, having a better say.
utterly contrived.
lips tremble as they move. words stutter, mistakes linger.
sooner or later it'll be better, I kid myself.
dreams or delusions?
Knows it's the latter but deluded that it's the former.
No use living in my head. Perhaps I should try another way instead.
Not like I'd dare to.

Swimming around. Lulling sounds.
drifting away and I'm
contented.

But this is not me.

GRR. I'm an angsty teen.

Havard or Williburg?



She wants it..

I hate to sound like a whiner.
The Student Council interview was some psychoanalytical sadistic shizz. I think I can comfortably say that I've never been so ambivalent about my fate in an interview before. It put me in screensaver mode for the rest of the weekend. On the other hand, it made me wanna join SC all the more. The interview was designed to tear.you.down.
I'd love to be on the panel of judges staring down at this clueless juniors who'd have no clue how much shit they'd just put themselves in.

Interrogating, rolling my eyes, posing challenges that makes them lose their breath then drilling them with a whole new string of psychoanalysis qns again. sounds fun already!
HAHA. Naw, I ain't that sadistic. You know that right?

Flaws exposed: Bad singing. Awkward silences. Uncontrollable stuttering.

For all that trauma, I have been sincerely humbled by the experience, and if it happens that I don't make the cut, all I have to say is....
WHY NOT? %$#%#!

LOSING STEAM. MUST.PRESS.ON.

Nearly fainted after 3 consecutive monotonous, torturous and meaningless lectures today.
Instead of complaining how irritably hot the CC/LT was, as most people, me inclusive, usually do, it was more to the contrary today. Pretty sure the main reason's the hunger building up during 3 consec. unproductive lectures we had.
I have no idea how anorexics actually enjoy doing their starvation exercises.

People should give Randy Gill a break. He's actually a real humourous and easygoin' guy behind that "Cut your hair, pull down yo skirt and JOIN CRICKET" facade. Perhaps his Discipline comm appointment kinda got to his head but honestly, behind that annoying in your face lecture on why you should "cut your hair, pull your skirt down and JOIN CRICKET", he's pretty much a nice aussie(wth?) dude at heart.

I'd like to end by saying, that his GP lectures are hilarious and enjoyable is a serious understatement.

cheerios!
nix

Don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up, but shall just go with it and see how long I'll last.

My mind is in idle mode again. I'm being mindlessly enthusiastic and practically living like a social butterfly.
I hope I'm not just acting and putting on a false front, though I know I've changed. Perhaps this side has been suppressed for the past two year and I finally have an avenue to release it.

JC life is a draining world. Feels like I've been half-sapped of my supposed endless energy already.
The places that you dwell gives you different feelings, and you react the way you feel toward them.

In JC, it's like a primary-secondary sch hybrid.
Besides the obvious point that I am seeing both sec sch and pri sch mates again, the dynamics of the school seems to come from a mix of these two areas of my life. Sec sch dynamics meaning,
from the st margs perspective, awfully nice people, most of em anyway.
Pri sch dynamics meaning, I still sense an inherent need to prove myself in a social sense and the occasional feeling inferiority complex.

Oddly, I'm embracing, enjoying it even. Being preoccupied fulfills me.
I'm talking in such a weird fashion on my blog, it appalls me.

Less honestly and bluntness, more sarcasm and irony I'd say!

oh please as if anyone is ever going to stumble upon my blog and notice that after 10 lightyears (actually that's a measure of distance, not so much of time) 2 millenniums and a trigamazillion decades later, I've finally bothered to actually post again.

OH god. I wonder whether I'm still narcissistic enough to start this again.

Apparently yes,
for now.

YEESH!

I'm becoming a total antisocial, angoraphobic psychopath. And I'm not just saying that.

I mean, I spent my first 2 weeks of holidays holed up at home, reading.

Reading you say? Well that doesnt sound THAT BAD, doesn't it?
In normal circumstances, I'd agree. But I read the entire bloody(no pun intended, really!) twilight saga, damnit!
And that, is just, abhorribly abnormal.

The only thing I remembered about twilight was that I flinched everytime someone said it to me. Went about tellin people
" don't READ IT. don't READ IT. dont MENTION IT IN FRONT OF ME. don't TALK TO ME ABOUT IT."

Guess there's something to be said about reverse psychology.

But I've got to say. I guess I'm feeling what the stupid fuss about the book is all about.
Kinda killed the inner cynic in me for awhile.
That IS something. Either that or it's just my hormones talking.

I've been quite a bum since the commencement of the long awaited, overrated, overhyped up holidays.
Other than excavating the Mt Everest made of TenYearSeries and exam papers in my room, I've been pretty much lazing and idling around in my happy place(apparently I'm deluded already).

Oh dear, think I'm becoming incoherent again.

I wonder anything productive actually came out of this entire post. For all I know, I could be hallucinating about typing this entry. Alas, I'm not.

Man, do I sound crazy or what?

MT O levls were pretty lukewarm, i experienced an influx of multiple emotions during each paper.
The bewilderement when I flipped Paper 1 and realised none of the questions actualy made sense(to me).
The defeated (what's the england equivalent for 'sian'?) feeling when I had no choice but to submit myself into choosing to write a letter to the newspaper about mindless, reckless drivers and a analysis of the supposedly inferior service standards of Spore's tourism industry.

[ahem, it all sounds really complex and impressive when I say it here. well that's because I'm speaking in english, if you actually read my essay in chinese, it wouldn't be surprising if you mistook it for a paper written by a dyslexic 5 yr old.]

The triumphant feeling when I finally completed both essays, albeit secretly being aware that most of it was the result of a dyslexic child with verbal diarrhoea.
Then feeling a bit guilty and repulsed by my awkward eloquence that filled my essay which force fed with vague and cliched idioms like, " fan shi bi you ying, " (which sounds abit like rice has to have english without those tone strokes, wadever u call it) meaning everthing happens for a reason and a lot of other boring stuff that everyone else probably thought of.

The my-life-has-no-purpose feeling when I realised that I wrote the date format on my letter was daymonthyear, THE VERY SECOND THE TCHER WAS COLLECTING THE PAPER FROM ME.
I think I got so used to saying nian yue ri(yearmonthday), that I actually wrote the date left to right, saying nian yue ri, happily summore. GURHHH!!!!

Paper 2 was more forgiving and this time I actually knew what I was talking about.
and for once, the comprehension passages were comprehensible by human beings.

Only nerve-wrecking moment was when I realised that I wrote the first 3 compre answers on the answering lines meant for the last 3 ones. I started copying the first ans to the correct answer space until I came to the 5 line-long answer of the second
question and decided that it was way too long to copy without me running out of time and reaching a point of despair.
Thankfulllly. The altruistic, beneficent, benign, benignant, goodhearted, kindhearted, invigilator allowed me to change the qns no.s of my answers, saving me the dejection, depression, despondence, despondency, doldrums, dolefulness, downheartedness, dumps, dysphoria, funk (wth? funk is synonymous with sadness? sob. I'm feeling funky..tsbwhaha..) , glumness, heavy-heartedness, melancholy, mope, mournfulness, unhappiness, which I would have otherwise have had to go through.

Come to think of it, my definition of lukewarm is anything but.

If there's anything I've learnt today, shit happens, and you usually only realise it when it's too late. Yeah, great.

Yest was the last CL intensive lesson. Actually stayed back after the intensive to have some extra intensive. I think we're doing all this(at least I am) just to have some feeling of assurance,security, all that.
In fact the only part where i actually learnt something is when someone started talking about prefects and thinking differently.
In my sincere opinion, they're simply groomed by the school to become puppets for the school. Walking advertorials, flawless facades. She mentioned that anyone who questions authority is promptly dealt with by singling them out.
"The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. "
Reminds me of house elves, banging their heads whenever they've disobeyed master.
"Bad Dobby! *Bang* *bang*"
Therefore, you either speak up or shut up.

My eyebags are getting darker and deeper. Quite sad because I'm actually sleeping earlier now, but I've realised that I've had them since young, so its probably due to bad genes,haha.
Eyes are the windows to one's soul, so maybe I'm getting darker and deeper.
Nah, I'm still a shallow person with an uneven skin tone.

I've realised a gradual decline of myself. I always had a graph in my mind of highs and lows of my life and it's a whole lotta parabolas. I think right now it's at the (0,-16) vertex. I'm sure there're a gazillion people going thru a much hellish life than me and cursing me for wallowing in self-pity.

Within these 2 years, my ability to express myself has inexplicably declining. I have no idea when, but at one stage I completely lost my sense of humour, I assure you it really sucked. I struggled coming up with witty retorts and from there it really just went down. My sentences were left awkwardly hanging when I had the tipofmytoungue syndrome. Words were mangled by tongue-tiedness and occassional jokes were murdered by my lame laughter.
I seriously think it affected some conspicuous part of my brain.

You'd say, geez, you actually sound perfectly fine here yknow, no tongue tiedness or limited vocab whatsoverr.
That's cos I had time to think for words and edit whatever sounded weird or wrong.
Maybe i should add an edit/undo and thesaurus button when I talk so that it solves my problem.

That's it for this nonsensical post which will probably make me cringe when i read it next time!
Bye! And so there Germaine, who says i never update my blog but in fact it is she who does not even visit it!

have made a silent note that i shall not rant nonsensically and let my emotions, very disturbing ones, i shall say, get the better of me.
I guess it's just cuz the exams were nearing and you all know how exams can screw the most sane person up. Needless to mention for me. Just can't help anticipating for the results next week and I have no high expectations for any subject whatsoever.
With no expectations, comes no disappointments. -will be my mantra next week.
I'm just visualising the worst case scenarios in my mind, but I guess I'm not the only one, hope not heh.
If you're going down, it'll feel hell lot better if you know a whole lot more people're going down with you too.
For now just I'm just waiting in limbo.

Reading the newspapers these days makes my blood boil. It's infuriating to read about the Myanmmar junta behaving like a bunch of manipulative, airheaded, stubborn, nihilistic arses.
Come to think of it, how much can you expect from a bunch of men brainwashed to follow orders from a superstitious, introverted, propagandist, obese old fart, whose highest academic achievement is being a high school dropout.


Stay in school, kids.


Reporters Without Borders, a press-freedom group based in France, recently described Than Shwe as a "notoriously paranoid general" who keeps himself virtually mummified from his own countrymen in the new capital.
Well I say, stay that way!