dreamy soundscapes are so soothing.

man it's been forNEVER since i posted something decent around here that made proper sense.
So since today was pretty productive as a study session. I am eversodetermined to make everything i do today productive.

OKAY SO THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SPONTANEOUSLY INSPIRED POST, but my dad just had to come at the right moment to say :
MY TURN.

LOVE YOU DAD.

when I talk to my friends I pretend I am standing on the wings   

of a flying plane. I cannot be trusted to tell them how I am.  

Or if I am falling to earth weighing less   

than a dozen roses. Sometimes I dream they have broken up   

with their lovers and are carrying food to my house.  

When I open the mailbox I hear their voices   

like the long upward-winding curve of a train whistle

passing through the tall grasses and ferns  

after the train has passed. I never get ahead of their shadows.   

I embrace them in front of moving cars. I keep them away   

from my miseries because to say I am miserable is to say I am like them. 

- How I am

  Jason Shinder

Hayley's voice was made for this.

FOUND A GEM TODAY.

The only reason I'm posting is cos I realized the "I was never on the Pill" father's day postsecret is not really the best first impression to give to ppl who stumble upon here.
Just tryna push the post down. yes yes.

Now that that's done.

JC is just helluva place to be right now. Have I lost track of where I'm at, supposed to be, want to go?
I think so. Not good.
At least i'm awake now.

Sometimes I think I'm a pretentious fck, which of course I dread to be. Other times, I just can't be bothered, which I hate to be.
Most times, I'm just going through the motions, which I don't have a choice, otherwise I wouldn't be.

What happened to the wit, humour and sarcasm? Dunno, trying hard, too hard maybe.

I realise I blog about immaterial, intangible, hypothetical, cryptic things that throws people, myself included, off course.

Am I jaded? Oh dang.

Incidentally i should be a mad mugger right now.
Tata.
Nic

[afterthought: just realised I sound totally schizophrenic, need to make more sense.morsense.nonsense]

SUNDAY POSTSECRETS.

Can't think of a classier way to break the news.rofl.

How do you know?

Wanted to upload one more but the card kept flipping to the back when my mouse hovered above it. stupid java applet or whatever thing that makes that happen.

It's the third last one on the webbie.

For you,mummy.

AHAHAHA. Ohman the fawesome Fergie solo. Eat that Fergie. Makes me wanna go pull over a hoodie for some weirdo reason. Classy.

I promise to blog after CTs.

Like the saying goes, Promises are meant to be kept.

That's how it goes right?

OKAY I PROMISE. teehee.

HOORAY INDEED.

I have clown-o-phobia. But I'm pretty sure I'm not alone on this one. That creepy smile and knowing eyes, and the best part, bad hair days all around. Geez it gives me the creeps.

I adore the video though. It has it's endearing albeit fleeting moments. Well Ingrid Michealson is da bomb. haha. quaint voice she has there. She's so effing effortless still manages to sound so ethereal.(alliteration intended!)

http://thingsweforget.blogspot.com/

WHOEVER IS DOING THIS. YOU ARE INGENIOUS. I WORSHIP THE POST-ITS YOU WRITE ON.

That's totally a homegrown version of postsecret, though it's not much of secretspilling and more of random musings.

Either way, I'm just so glad that there are actually sporeans out there who possess such ingenuity+creativity+sense of humour. A rare breed sadly, nevertheless proof that they still exist and all hope is not lost.

It's not a contrived campaign or anything. just a sincere and simple project that speaks volumes. 

Take a cue, SINGAPORE KINDNESS MOVEMENT, what with your huge orangey lion mascots dotting the streets..tsktsk.

Was reading about a 30 year old woman with multiple personality disorder(MPD) who has an alter ego of a 10 year old boy

Seems to be sort of a biological 'survival mechanism'. Whatever it is, this survival mechanism shizz is a seriously another whole mystery of life on its own altogether.

Apparently the actual person herself would have no recollection whatsoever of what she did when she took on her alternate personality.

CAUSE? Childhood trauma/rape/abuse.

Talk about your troubles people.. lightens the load. (I know it's easy to say, but what else can i do on a blog?)

MPD is pretty disturbing to a certain point.

If anything, it gives the saying 'a person has many facets' , a whole new meaning.. Or pehaps just the same. just that I'm going round in circles.

I like writing.just not as assignments with deadlines to meet, when it becomes an obligation, a chore, a burden.DIE GP ESSAY DIE!

CIAO my non existent audiences.

okay i'm resolved to post more heavier entries from now. As compared to the previous few ones which have either been annoyingly politically correct/cheesy and nonsensical rants.

Reading off somepeople's blogs just give me an inferiority complex. Not referring to those that give a complete detailed narration of their lives and go on yapping about the rest of their day. But rather those flooded with commentaries/observations/random muse/quotes that really draw you out from reality to take a step back and observe everything around you. Puts things into hell lotsa perspective really. Makes me feel a lot less overwhelmed as well.

I just realised I managed to contradict myself in a paragraph.

Guess we're all full of it everyday. not that we bother to realise at all.

OMG. This is academic suicide. only at the tip of the homework iceberg.

GP is ghastly. 

Math is murderous.

Chem is conniving crap.

Econs has the opportunity cost of reviving the rest of my surviving brain cells.

Lit is a lullaby.

PW is preposterous.

Chinese is the joke of my life.

Life's good.

I'm an optimist.

Surely you can tell. =D

Leadership Training Camp 

was appallingly less torturous than Selection camp, albeit still having to complete a grand total of 1038 push ups. Not blowing any horns about 'oh isn't it so impressive that i completed so many pumpings', just that I realised the significance of completing these pumpings as one with the rest of the 32nd council. Really unbelievable that we actually managed to push ourselves just further and further each day with 10 push ups/set on the first day to 40 push ups/set on the last. Didn't think that I could shake so well till the 3x4opush ups session on the last day where I'm sure I wasn't the only one whose arms were trembling to the bone.

4days of LTC is impossible to be chronicled in a single post, but I don't think the experience could ever be justified by any number of posts.

Being unnaturally serious and reflective here.

Friends who talked to me abt LTC said that everytime they saw us, we'd either be in pumping position, mad hounds bounding away or in some form of physical torture.

But comparatively to selection camp, this is nothing. considering the fact that at least this time the torture is evenly spread out(like nutella!) over 4 days.

Well worth the physical torture i'll say.

That being said, LTC was definitely more than just cycles of sadistic PT.

Activities were strewn and laced with deeper meanings, (ooooh.) requiring us to actually utilize some brain this time. Reading between the suffering and strain. There were stuff that actually did make a lotta sense and did therefore make us ponder more abt how the newly appointed councillors and council term would be moulded.

Pain is nothing now,(wooah)  I can safely say after going thru the 4 draining days of camp.

The days ahead are most prolly paved with gigantormous boulders which would not cease to test the strengths of the newly minted 32nd SC! 

Being stretched, strained and finally emerging only as the stronger.

xoxo.LOL.

nickisezpeaceout.

hair is over my eyes.
future is bleak though these blinds.
convinced of a better day, a better standing, having a better say.
utterly contrived.
lips tremble as they move. words stutter, mistakes linger.
sooner or later it'll be better, I kid myself.
dreams or delusions?
Knows it's the latter but deluded that it's the former.
No use living in my head. Perhaps I should try another way instead.
Not like I'd dare to.

Swimming around. Lulling sounds.
drifting away and I'm
contented.

But this is not me.

GRR. I'm an angsty teen.

Havard or Williburg?



She wants it..

I hate to sound like a whiner.
The Student Council interview was some psychoanalytical sadistic shizz. I think I can comfortably say that I've never been so ambivalent about my fate in an interview before. It put me in screensaver mode for the rest of the weekend. On the other hand, it made me wanna join SC all the more. The interview was designed to tear.you.down.
I'd love to be on the panel of judges staring down at this clueless juniors who'd have no clue how much shit they'd just put themselves in.

Interrogating, rolling my eyes, posing challenges that makes them lose their breath then drilling them with a whole new string of psychoanalysis qns again. sounds fun already!
HAHA. Naw, I ain't that sadistic. You know that right?

Flaws exposed: Bad singing. Awkward silences. Uncontrollable stuttering.

For all that trauma, I have been sincerely humbled by the experience, and if it happens that I don't make the cut, all I have to say is....
WHY NOT? %$#%#!

LOSING STEAM. MUST.PRESS.ON.

Nearly fainted after 3 consecutive monotonous, torturous and meaningless lectures today.
Instead of complaining how irritably hot the CC/LT was, as most people, me inclusive, usually do, it was more to the contrary today. Pretty sure the main reason's the hunger building up during 3 consec. unproductive lectures we had.
I have no idea how anorexics actually enjoy doing their starvation exercises.

People should give Randy Gill a break. He's actually a real humourous and easygoin' guy behind that "Cut your hair, pull down yo skirt and JOIN CRICKET" facade. Perhaps his Discipline comm appointment kinda got to his head but honestly, behind that annoying in your face lecture on why you should "cut your hair, pull your skirt down and JOIN CRICKET", he's pretty much a nice aussie(wth?) dude at heart.

I'd like to end by saying, that his GP lectures are hilarious and enjoyable is a serious understatement.

cheerios!
nix

Don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up, but shall just go with it and see how long I'll last.

My mind is in idle mode again. I'm being mindlessly enthusiastic and practically living like a social butterfly.
I hope I'm not just acting and putting on a false front, though I know I've changed. Perhaps this side has been suppressed for the past two year and I finally have an avenue to release it.

JC life is a draining world. Feels like I've been half-sapped of my supposed endless energy already.
The places that you dwell gives you different feelings, and you react the way you feel toward them.

In JC, it's like a primary-secondary sch hybrid.
Besides the obvious point that I am seeing both sec sch and pri sch mates again, the dynamics of the school seems to come from a mix of these two areas of my life. Sec sch dynamics meaning,
from the st margs perspective, awfully nice people, most of em anyway.
Pri sch dynamics meaning, I still sense an inherent need to prove myself in a social sense and the occasional feeling inferiority complex.

Oddly, I'm embracing, enjoying it even. Being preoccupied fulfills me.
I'm talking in such a weird fashion on my blog, it appalls me.

Less honestly and bluntness, more sarcasm and irony I'd say!